Since I've Had Some Serious Conversations Recently

So before I give "the people" what they want (to be continued next time... possibly tomorrow), I'm going to talk about something serious. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUNNNN....

Scary, I know. But some moments or seasons in life call for seriousness... and this is a moment that I deem to be serious. I've been hearing about the same complaint from various people that are close to my heart recently, and one of these dear friends recommend that I talk about it in this blog. I was going to write about something completely different until I got an e-mail from someone who is as close as a brother to me just a few minutes ago telling me about what's been going on in his heart.

The issue is this: how do you move on from someone who hurts you? How do you deal with bitterness, depression, anxiety when trust is broken? These very questions have been asked time and time again from my own mouth... and I'm sure it's been asked by many other people.

There is never a list... or a ten step program that answer these questions. I can only look to Scripture and recall what past mentors, family members or close friends have said to me. So I guess I'll quote it all:

1. "I'm sorry that happened to you."
2. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." -Philippians 4:6-8
3. "Read the Psalms. It has been a comfort to me in my time of need."
4. "...In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (Jesus) John 16:33
5. "Christ is the author and perfecter of our faith.... He allows things to happen for a reason so in these times we can learn to glorify him further and grow closer to Him and others."
6. "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4

As of right now, no other advice from others come to mind... that's what I get for not being a writer, haha. But there is a side note for Psalm 37:4. I learned this from a very wise, licensed counselor when I was going through a particularly tough break up. To delight partly means to be pliable... to allow God to mold you and shape you. When you allow God to do this, your desires align with His desires... thus giving them to you. And just a friendly reminder... the heart is deceitfully wicked... the One who knows it, is the One who paid for it.

Now, let me get a little more detailed. I am writing about broken relationships with a significant other, friend or family member. Or sometimes you just feel this way about someone who wasn't close to you at all that wronged you and you can't seem to let go of the hurt. I need to say that it is completely possible to move on from the hurt, BUT you have to desire it. Some people think they desire that very thing... but if they really analyzed their thoughts, the truth ends up being that they want to hold on to it because it is always easier to be angry and hold on to the hurt.

Okay, I'm kind of at a dilemma because as I've said a few dozen times before, I am not a writer. So I'm going to write about my own experience and how I got over it:

Since as far back as I can remember until I was about 18, love from my family and God was never enough. I was constantly picked on throughout elementary and middle school because of my crooked teeth, my pale skin and freckles, and "more to love" weight (I developed early as a child, haha). When I got in high school, I ditched my braces, got a little more height which evened out my weight (and developed bad eating habits to keep the weight off), and joined the dance team which caused me to get some Vitamin D and even out my skin tone a little during the summer when we practiced 3 hours a day every afternoon in the hot Texas sun. So by this point, I was no longer made fun of (at least to my face) and got quite a bit of attention from the male race (haha). So through my 20+ relationships with different guys, I definitely noticed that the attention and "love" wasn't enough. And every time a guy broke up with me, or a friendship ended (because I was a terrible friend), or some girls were plain mean to me (I still haven't been able to make sense of that), I no longer looked to my appearance... I looked to why this was happening to me. My conclusion: God was punishing me.

After my second to last relationship, I lost it. By far, it was probably the worst break up I had been through, and I'm still not sure why it was... we didn't even date that long. Regardless, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Truth that had been spoken to me my whole life, was becoming loud and clear. "God punishing me" was tossed to the wind, and I learned to take responsibility for my actions. I understood the only way to truly give up this guy that I thought would be impossible to let go of, was to actually say to the Lord "You can have him... and whatever happens from this day on, I will accept as You helping me to move on." I didn't actively look for another guy to comfort my sorrows, I wasn't angry at God for letting our relationship end, and I cried all the dang time. Not even kidding... I cried every day. On my way to school, walking to and from class, on my way to work, on my way home, while I showered, while I got ready (you can imagine how hard it was for me to apply make up... which I hardly wore during this time), and I would sometimes cry while I was at work and have to go to the bathroom, cry out to God and ask Him to pull me together to finish my shift. I didn't try to stop crying (unless like I said, it was at work), even though I did ask God to end the hurt soon, but I did ask Him to make my hurt worth it. If I had to go through several more breakups and heartaches, I wanted it to help other people when they were hurting.

I had several people tell me that I might always have "negative feelings" towards my ex boyfriends, and that was okay. I refused to believe that. I didn't want friendships with ex boyfriends or broken bridges to be mended with old friends, I just wanted to love them as I'm commanded to. I wanted to truly forgive them. When I told God my desire, He made it happen. Every time I think of someone who truly hurt me or back stabbed me, I feel no pain, and no bitterness towards them. When I do think of them (randomly or not so randomly), I pray for them lovingly... just like I would for the people I love and trust on a daily basis. This only happened when I cried out to the Lord and believed that the impossible could be possible through His forgiveness and compassion. I was tired of doing what was easy... I didn't want to play the victim anymore.

So I guess I'm done with that. And I'll end with one last thing. Even though God commands us to forgive and love those who have hurt us, I'm going to make it clear that this doesn't mean that we always keep them in our lives. Romans 12:18 says "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Key words: "as far as it depends on you." So regardless of what you do, sometimes other people won't let you make peace with them. Don't freak out about it, don't throw it in their face... accept that you did as much as you could, and that's going to have to be enough. Some relationships last in our lives for a season. They come and go.Then there are relationships that are meant to last forever. Regardless of how long they last, always remember that they were in your life for a reason.

I know probably nobody will read this because it's super long (and serious), and I'm okay with that. But if you did read it, and you're going through a broken relationship, I'm going to say it one more time: I'm sorry for what's happening. You will survive, and the pain won't last forever... as long as you're willing to let it go.